we share a genuine fondness of you
“Sometimes we build such high walls for protection that we forget that our greatest enemy can grow from within.”
— Eishes Chayil
(via purplebuddhaquotes)
“Sometimes we build such high walls for protection that we forget that our greatest enemy can grow from within.”
— Eishes Chayil
(via purplebuddhaquotes)
“Admire as much as you can. Most people don’t admire enough.”
— Vincent van Gogh in a letter to his brother Theo, January 1874
(via goodreadss)
“Be kind. Really. Not just with others, but with yourself as well. Cherish the hearts of others, but also nurture your own. Take care of those around you, but also take the time to take care of yourself.”
— Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
1. Rules give structure which is very comforting to a submissive mind. To be able to see what is expected, and what is forbidden, allows a little girl to navigate the relationship easily, and with less stress.
2. Rules remind a submissive who is in charge. Whether she is obeying them, or breaking them, Daddy put them there, and she is reminded that every time she navigates around them, or takes one off the shelf and breaks it.
3. Rules are useful tools to improve your submissive’s life, and make her a better person. Don’t like that she keeps a messy room? Make a rule that changes that. Don’t like that she eats sweets before bed, and that it makes it hard for her to fall asleep? It must be rule time. Rules help Dominants take care of their littles, because we can’t expect them to take care of themselves all the time.
JD🌹
This is inspired by a counseling session I had with my daughter today. We were talking about boundaries and extending trust. She has trust issues… she’s been through a lot. Her counselor and I have her trust, and she has one long distance friend she trusts. While her peers extend trust at the drop of a hat, my 14 year old sees how that works against them often. She doesn’t understand why anyone her age would date. She wants to go to school and get the best education she can so she can leave this state as soon as she is legally allowed. It is good that she is guarded.. but she also needs to learn when it’s safe to trust. My advice was to trust with purpose. Never trust without knowing WHY you trust. I have often recommended to others to write down why they feel it is safe to trust someone before extending that trust. Have something tangible in your hands to look at.
We discussed healthy ways to test that as time went on, in order to ensure trust remains warranted. As I was scrolling through Tumblr earlier I saw a comment somewhere (I wish I remembered where) that talked about how wrong it was to test. In the context they were talking about, I agree. So, I thought I would write about the right and wrong ways to test. For starters.. understand your motivation. If your motivation is at all to manipulate, gain evidence against, set up to fail… don’t test someone. Figure out why you feel the need to do that. Most likely you either need some therapy to help you find better ways to accomplish your goals, or you need to leave the relationship you’re in because it isn’t healthy.
1.The first thing I recommend is to set a boundary. A legitimate one. Maybe it’s not wanting to be called a certain name. Perhaps it’s establishing a hard limit. Or asking for something to be kept private. When that boundary is acknowledged and honored, you have a real reason to trust someone.
Do NOT go through a wallet, laptop, phone, credit card statement etc. to test someone. You do not have their consent for that. (The only exception I would make is when needing evidence in order to divorce or leave someone abusing you, but that is not for the purpose of testing)
2. Find something legitimate to disagree on. Again, you don’t need to make something up. No two people on earth on going to agree on everything. But see how the person interacts when a different point of view is brought up. Can they debate in a healthy way? Agree to disagree without making you feel stupid or invalid? Very good signs!
Do NOT whine, beg, or cry to see how much they can stand before they blow up. That isn’t healthy for anyone, and spoiler alert.. everyone has a breaking point where they are either going to lash out or leave.
3. Communicate. We should do that anyway right? Once you’ve established some trust, have an open conversation. Let things go a little deeper than you previously have. This might be opening up about a past experience, or sharing deeper thoughts than you normally convey. Little steps are just fine. I never recommend putting everything out there in the first conversation. It’s also absolutely recommended to admit that this isn’t everything to know about you. But this amount feels safe for now. A decent person will appreciate what you have shared and will respect the time you need to feel comfortable going deeper. Hopefully, it will inspire them to also share some with you.. remember trust is a two way street, and while they are trying to gain yours, you should also be trying to gain theirs.
Do NOT Force information on them. Ask if this is a good time to talk. If not, when? In healthy D/s people want to know about each other on very deep levels, so I will assume that the information is wanted, (If not, that is a huge red flag) But allow the person the ability to be in the right head space to receive the information. You don’t want to bombard them as they walk in the door after a rough day.
4. Watch for an opportunity to see them mad. Everyone has stressors. Maybe it’s traffic, maybe it’s standing in long lines, maybe it’s talking to a parent, or doing their taxes. When they are irritated, how do you feel and why? For instance, if you feel scared, it’s important to understand why. If you are truly fearful of your safety, get out of there. Don’t go back. If it’s maybe a trigger for a past event or relationship, then talk it out once things are calmed down. See how they respond to knowing their behavior frightened you. See if changes are made to make future issues easier. If doing taxes makes them angry then perhaps they’d recommend you get out of the house on that day and go see a friend. Or they can curb their anger when the two of you are in the car together.
Do NOT look for ways to make them mad. These things should happen organically and be very honest.
5. Say no. (or safeword) This isn’t just a boundary. This is an unexpected no. I don’t mean scream no (unless it’s warranted) or get in their face or anything like that. But see how the person responds when they don’t get their way. This is something I would typically recommend before a dynamic is established, during those earlier stages when there isn’t really a power exchange going on. There is a way to approach this inside an established dynamic though. Be prepared to explain yourself. The way I would approach that is to talk about it ahead of time in a meta talk. Explain that you want to test the use of a safeword and practice using it at an unexpected time. This keeps the dynamic in place, and is a good exercise for both sides of the slash.
Do NOT use this to get out of a punishment or correction. Do NOT use this for any type of personal reward or reason. You aren’t saying no to get your way. You’re saying no to establish that you are being respected at difficult times just as much as when it’s easy and to give you both confidence that the dynamic is working as well as you both hope. Especially inside a dynamic, make sure this is consensual.
6. Look at long term patterns. Maybe there was a falter, what is the long term pattern? A bad day, a bad choice, a miscommunication is most often not reason to withdraw trust. (Cheating is not just a bad choice.. it is a calculated and purposeful bad choice) A pause may be in order while you look at patterns, or proceeding with caution is sometimes warranted. But when the long term pattern is good, a hiccup isn’t a big deal. On the same note though, is something is occasionally good… and the long term pattern is bad, this is a good time to end the relationship.
Do NOT disregard your gut instinct. If your gut says something is wrong.. dig deeper. If your gut is thinking order pizza.. things are likely just fine.
I would never recommend anything that involves lying, cheating, or setting someone up to fail. Those things will destroy a relationship. You have to ask yourself what the real purpose is in testing if those are the behaviors you go to. Trust is earned, I believe it is something that should be re-evaluated periodically. It gives you confidence that the trust you’ve given is warranted and still healthy. If you’ve had abusive relationships in the past, I think it is even more important than most for you. But you can be open and honest about that. I don’t want anyone, including my daughter, to trust me blindly. I am confident enough in myself to know I am trustworthy, and if someone tests me, they should find the same thing. I would prefer they know for themselves that their trust is not misplaced. Not because I said so. Not because they could always trust me before. But because I continue to give them reasons to trust me. There is no topic I shy away from with my daughter. She has to know she can come to me with anything. The same is true in any relationship. I show her on a daily basis that she can continue to trust me. It doesn’t make me insecure. It doesn’t make me angry or upset, and if she tests me, I am proud of her. (As long as it is healthy, when it isn’t we talk about better ways to get that same affect, it really isn’t often, trust is well established) It gives me confidence for her future relationships that she can find healthy ways to test trust. I don’t want her to sit around in a bad marriage wondering if she’s right to question things happening, because once upon a time they were different. Know why you trust the people in your life.
The plan for the 17th, when the adult content ban comes in, is to protest.
To do that, we are making as much noise either side of the 17th as possible, and using the site as normal.
On the 17th, dead silence.
People are saying log off but what they really mean is don’t open the site or the app.
But, on the 17th make as much noise as possible on every other platform. Tweet about it and post on facebook and instagram and everywhere else.
What this does is causes a massive dip in ad revenue for one single day. That does not make staff think ‘oh everyone’s gone let’s shut down.’ What it actually makes them think is ‘oh shit people aren’t happy and if people don’t keep using our site we’re out of money and out of jobs.’
A boycott reminds a company that the users (consumers) have the power to make their site (business) worthless with one single coordinated decision.
If you want to join in, here’s what to do:
Do:
Don’t:
Remember: the execs don’t care about anything but money. Shutting down the site means there’s $0 further income from it. That’s their last possible course of action. If we make it clear we’re not happy, they’ll have to do something or we can do more and more until it becomes too expensive.
Protests take commitment. They’re a defiant action against a business that is doing something wrong. They will try to scare you into not participating, because they’re scared. We hold all the power here, sometimes the execs just need to be reminded of that.
PLEASE PARTICIPATE THIS NEEDS TO BE BIG SO WE NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH!
Doing this. Who else is in?
I’m in!
In.
Planning to participate also! You’ll be able yo find me on BDSMlr on the 17th.


